You can help and it can make a difference!

Im not much of a social worker. What I’m is, a very emotional person who always wanted to do help others, but didn’t do much.
Thousands of people die in the world everyday – out of hunger, chronic diseases, accidents, war and terrorism. Although I feel for it, nothing shook me up like the death of Aylan Kurdi.
Three-year-old Aylan Kurdi was born into a country eaten up by war. His parents wanted what any other parent would want for their children - what hundreds of thousands of people fleeing war-prone violence want -- a place to be alive- a safe home. This is what is driving them to Europe – a hope to get grip on their life although they have to start from scratch.
Trying to make that simple but treacherous dream a reality, Aylan, his brother and mother drowned in the sea enroute Greece from Syria when their boat capsized in Turkish waters. An image of his dead body washed up on the Turkish beach came to my notice when I was reading my daily news update in the morning on my way to work. So why did this shake me up? Im a mother myself now and the image of this boy’s dead body resembled nothing different than the sleeping position of my 2 year old baby before I woke her up that morning. Just that he didn’t smile and respond to anyone who tried to wake him up. His dream to live took away his life.
It got me thinking to what extend am I blessed. I might be struggling with different problems everyday but is it anything in comparison to what these fleeing refugees, for example, encounter in their daily life? This weekend, when the borders of Austria and Germany opened up for refugees, there were more than tens of thousands of refugees coming to Austria – via buses, trains, by foot.
Me and Vivek were following the twitter feeds of what was the condition of these people where hundreds of volunteers tweeted continuously on what the refugees needed help with. We went to the railwaystation where the refugees were pouring in and tried to distribute showergels, wet tissues, clothes etc. We lay it on a sheet in front of us and were handing it over to whoever came by us. It’s a funny story coz we were also mistaken for refugees (probably due to skin colour) and people were handing things to us too…hehe… We continued to do this throughout the weekend with the help of friends and family who also wanted to give away their jackets and warm clothes and shoes and thus help the refugees in whatever little way they could. So many people were forthcoming to help with food, clothes, medicines and other supplies, that I was suddenly so proud to be a part of the helping hand.
Why was it important to do this? This is a very humbling experience on its own. Just to give some examples: There was a almost new pair of men’s shoes donated by a volunteer which was lying in front of us. A refugee who obviously walked miles and miles before he reached Austria had half worn out shoes and when he saw this new pair of shoes, immediately tried it on.. luckily the same size too.. he happily discarded his shoes and left with the new ones on.. Then minutes later, another refugee walked past who had torn shoes with holes. He saw these discarded half worn out shoes and was happy he could get a better pair than his own. Eye-opening incident of how one’s left over becomes a fortune for the other (when we try to buy new shoes every other month coz it doesn’t match the colour of our dress.)
Every little thing you do to help is a big help. If you don’t have any materialistic things to give away, but if you have time, its good enough coz you can use it to help others those who want to help. Get involved! coz refugees are also human beings who are educated and entitled to a normal day to day life like us. Help them get back their lives on tracks by doing every little thing you can. You can make a difference. There needn’t be loads of Aylan whose future are washed away in the tides of the sea coz they dared to dream and live and to be safe.

I have a daughter and I'm Scared...

The other day I was going to meet my husband in the city and then go together to meet some friends for dinner. It was 7 in the evening. It was dark and cold. And when the bus came, I was the lone passenger in it with a baby. Even after knowing that I’m the only lady passenger in the bus, I was not scared. And then it suddenly strikes me why I was not, given the situation would be of panic if I was in India.
Being in Europe, I have heard lots of criticisms on how how there’s more of a skin show than of respect. I haven’t seen boys or men drool on women or x-ray women on the street. Maybe its coz they see it all and have it all. So there is no unknown for them. Given this is the cost for safe travelling without fear even at wee hours in the night, then I’m happier to stay in Austria than in India.
People in my hometown have all civilized as ages passed by. The question is in what aspects… Posh houses, expensive jewelry and comfortable cars… but theirs thoughts are still uncivilized.. Coz even now, when they see a girl in a tight fitting dress, they tend to see through her. Even when they see a girl dressed in skirts above knees, their eyes fiddle their way up through the skirts.
These thoughts, this mental illness, this uncivilized animal like behavior is what results in rape which India is now almost unparalleled in. There must be something terribly wrong somewhere or else how can a country so rich in its cultures and respectful upbringing top the number of rapes in the world.
If a lot of what happens to women on the roads of India is to stop, the change will have to come first at home, from the family. Boys, as they grow up, will have to be taught that their sisters are not there to get the leftovers – the one piece of chocolate that couldn’t be eaten, the tricycle with a broken wheel that couldn’t be driven, the school with expensive fees that couldn’t be afforded. Boys have to be taught how to treat women with respect. Showing the aptitude of his physical strength or sexually assaulting a woman does not prove being a man. It is by taking up responsibilities and living up to it, treating every woman with respect and taking care of your family. One must always remember that one always has a mother if not a sister and wife, who is a woman and could be attacked by this mental irrationality.
A lot of how India will be in the future, how one half of the population will treat the other half, will depend on the lessons from parents and teachers. GPS and CCTVs, after all, cannot track what goes inside homes and the minds of men; they can only make our streets a bit safer. The violence to women within families is many times deadlier. And often it is this violence, the mentality and justification of it, that spirals away and gets carried out in cinema halls, moving auto-rickshaws and crowded malls. It is this that makes well-dressed men in sharp suits and shiny shoes traveling in planes and expensive trains say a woman is responsible for everything bad that happens to her. (sharing a thought of a fellow blogger)
If only half of the spirit of how we cheer India in the Cricket worldcup, could unite us in our voice against RAPE, against this injustice, make noise that we be heard….that a woman never has to go through it again. that we really live up to the best cultural upbringing that we boast of…let us take an oath that we will take part in this righteous war against rape in a hope that we pave path for our daughters to live not in fear.

Rebooting

For generations, women were just expected to pack their bags, put a few of their cherished belongings in their bridal luggage, and leave behind a whole lot of friendships, associations, hobbies and interests to be with their husbands. In their new world, they reboot. Make new relations, new friends, learn new hobbies, new languages and face a new set of challenges.
Then when she enters a job and is doing well, she becomes pregnant. As much as a thrill of a new member joining in, there is an untold fear that every career woman goes through. She will have to stay back at home tending to the baby as her other colleagues races past her. Another rebooting kicks in where her daily routines are amended according to the baby’s.
Motherhood can never be compared to petty issues. But once she wants to return back and kick back into her career life, that’s when the cold naked truth hits her. She’s lacking the knowledge of the two years of fast paced business life while she was breastfeeding, changing nappies and capturing smiles of her little one. Not to forget those daring women who went back to working soon after delivery coz they didn’t want to lose out… were never looked upon with respect from society coz they were those mothers who had no time for family anyways.

Its not her fault coz it always has been a woman’s sacrifice- very rarely appreciated though. After a while when people ask someone, what does she do now…. The answer is horrific to hear….” She’s at home now”. How many of you have heard the answer to be “ She’s a 24*7 mother “ Here she reboots again. She has to go back to being the fiery, do-it-attitude business woman, unwittingly suppress the sublime motherhood and lash it out at her work to climb up to the top again, at least to catch up to what she was missing out.

Are women the only ones to be in the reboot modus or let me word it differently….” Who sets an expiry for a woman’s dreams”?

Waiting... how much of our life will we spend waiting????

A child’s wait when people will finally stop pulling his cheeks and saying “how cute”...
A teenager’s wait for starting what they think is worlds perfect love story...
An adult’s wait to be finally settled in life- right job, right person, right house, right car, right lifestyle…
I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself where I would be away from parental eyes, and have a whole new world to myself. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized, having some own money to spend and leading an independent life. Then the married person and the the person I’d become when we have kids- more responsible, mature and a rolemodel like… For almost 15 years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.
John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” For me, life is what was happening while I was busy waiting for my big moment. I was ready for it and believed that the rest of my life would fade into the background, and that my big moment would carry me through life like a lifeboat.
The Big Moment, unfortunately, is an urban myth. Some people have them, in a sense, when they win the American elections or become the next singing star. But even that person is living a life made up of more than that one moment. Life is a collection of a million, billion moments, tiny little moments and choices, like a handful of luminous, glowing pearl. It takes so much time, and so much work, and those beads and moments are so small, and so much less fabulous and dramatic than the movies. But this is what I’m finding, in glimpses and flashes: this is it. This is it, in the best possible way. That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of us will ever experience.
I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting.
I believe that if we cultivate a true attention, a deep ability to see what has been there all along, we will find worlds within us and between us, dreams and stories and memories spilling over. The nuances and shades and secrets and intimations of love and friendship and marriage and parenting are action-packed and multicolored, if you know where to look.
You have stories worth telling, memories worth remembering, dreams worth working toward, a body worth feeding, a soul worth tending…You are more than dust and bones. You are spirit and power and image of God. And you have been given just today.
Remember its hard being left behind…hard to be the one who stays ….so stop waiting… and catch hold of whats today ….

Its a journey (part 2)

I know this is not a real continuation of what was written in Part1... but this is something i had to write and which i think is a crucial part in everyones journey of life.
We come into this world through our parents… they spend sleepless nights looking after us, treasure us as their priceless gift, and give up everything to see to it that we have everything we wish for …
Who were our first playmates… our parents… they spend hours playing with us and making all kinds of funny faces just to bring a smile on our face…but when we grow up and get new friends and our parents still try to do sth funny to make us smile….we react and say “please don’t embarrass me”
We used to rush home to eat the wonderful yummy food that our mom made when we were kids… and as we grow up and she waits till night thinking we might not have had food….we come in and say “mom, please… im a grown up now… I can take care of myself.”
When u fall in love as a teenager and text your lover everyday “did you have lunch”, have you ever texted and asked your parents and asked them if they had lunch.. it wont hurt if you show that you care…or????
Our parents are and will always be a big chunk of our journey of life…Im not very happy about what I see around me where parents take appointments to meet their children, to have a meal together with them and most importantly to spend some time with them… forget about taking care of them, enquiring about their health and trying to fulfill their wishes.
The explanations I get here are coz they lived their lives and now its time for us to live ours… although I see a change in this attitude when they have their own kids… We all aspire to become great personalities in life.. But how will we achieve it if we don’t start from the roots…take your chance today, let your parents know that you are thankful to how they have raised you up and made you who you are today….take them out on no special occasion for a meal and spend some quality time with them…if you need an incentive to still do this…know that your children learn from what you are doing and tomorrow you would be in your parents shoes…
Make a difference in your journey of life….start from where you started off and things will definitely fall in place…coz there is no better blessing than from your creators….

It's a journey

“life is a journey and not a destination”, I read it on some wall posting of a friend..
so is it indeed a journey… how does one define this journey….
I have an obsession with music, philosophy and the feeling of being loved. So does this define my journey… Actually yes and no…. coz I do find myself involved in all my obsessions at different stages of my life and even different days of the same stage of life.. I love to explore new music, sing songs, dance to them… I love to read quotes, hear people who try to explain abt life, advise people on wht I think abt life…I have had linkups and breakups but that never stopped me from evading the thought of being loved.. it’s a constant urge when you know you haven’t found wht you are seeking for…
But these are not the only factors which define my life….
I remember that I was the only child to my parents for 5 years and when I normally returned home after playing outside with my friends, I used to be sad that I don’t have any sibling to play at home….and thus requested my parents if I could have had a sister or brother to play with…and then when my sister was born, I was elated…but it came with a different phase of life.. she was born very fair and I was very dark in complexion….it made me feel tht I wont be loved anymore coz everyone wld like my angel like sister….then there came a phase when my mom told me tht I was a dark kid and so what….the constant realizations of truth that my mom gave me made me understand that at first I should accept who im and love myself and only then can I expect others to love me. The funny part abt this is that after having this realization to date….there is something I never forget to do in mornings even if I forget to brush my teeth… I look in the mirror every morning and talk to myself….tht im beautiful the way im…and im gonna spread many smiles today… its been around 16 years since ….but I still do this…lol… I still don’t know if I have become beautiful or not… but I do try to spread smiles genuinely….
I love to watch the stars….its coz I used to count stars once in my life with two of my fav cousins… those were like the best times of my life… but there are more reasons why I like to watch the stars.. it gives me an inspiration that even if the night is dark, the stars come out to show us the light….sometimes its just one star, and sometimes there are many….just like when we are faced with problems and we don’t know how to go ahead… there might be one door open or sometimes if you are lucky, many doors opening up….
I love the rains… some people say tht we might catch a cold, some say ur dress becomes dirty in the muddly water… but I still love it…it’s the freshness that it brings with it.. it is the sweet scent of the earth that flows with it…it is a feeling that sometimes when no one understands ur pain, the rain falls down to show that the nature does feel with u … and sometimes I love the rain coz nobody sees me crying when im in the rain…and sometimes its coz I always dreamt abt kissing in the rain…
But there are so many aspects of our life that nobody understands….we do try to make them understand but they sometimes don’t…and I normally get upset when this happens.. coz we want only those people to understand whom we care for most in our lives… but when they don’t, I feel that there is a connection missing …but then I realized that its so much better to nurture these little aspects of life privately…one can also enjoy some happiness alone too or?
All of life is a journey… which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there. The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
(part two coming up next week)

Fearing the UNKNOWN

-You want to know what questions will come up in an exam, but that is unknown until you sit down and turn the paper over.
-You want the event to go well and as planned because you’ve put in so much effort into making everything perfect. But you won’t be sure until the party’s over.
-You have a job interview coming up. You understand the type of person the company is looking for (you, of course!), but you still don’t know what type of questions the panel might throw at you.
No matter how positive and prepared one is, the unknown tends to get in the way, doesn’t it? These situations can easily eat away at you. You imagine a million and one possible scenarios and outcomes. You panic over the negative thoughts going through your head.
So the question is: When life delivers so many curveballs, what is the point in worrying about the unknown?
More than any uncertainty in the above mentioned situations, there is one very grave uncertain fear that everyone has – death. No matter how happy or depressing our life is, death is scary. The very moment when we know we are going to die is the scariest. The fear and the uncertainty that death brings along is beyond explanation.
I cant speak for all but I can share a small experience I had recently. I knew I was going to Las Vegas for a conference and there was so much work to be finished before leaving. It might have been the stress or the workload or the weather but I knew I was ill .. it started with a flu, then cough and fever and throatpain…. But I had deadlines to be met at work and so I kept swallowing medicines and kept going for work. Then came the day when I was flying to Vegas. I was in high spirits and why shouldn’t I be.. how many get a chance to attend a conference in Vegas with the whole trip paid out… And trust me Vegas was so full of life , every time of the day and night. Went on full swing for two days until one day after dinner when I got back to hotel, I was kinda feeling not so well… I thought it must be just some sleep issue… but it was worse than I thought… I started throwing up, followed by high fever (around 39 or 40 degrees) where I thought my body was burning on fire. I could hardly stand up , forget about going for the conference on the last two days. I was so bed ridden and most of the time either unconscious or fast asleep coz of the medicines. I just wanted to go home. I realized over the trip that I had an increasing level of cough with mucous… which got worse after the 20 hr travel back home. The doctors wrote me antibiotics and full bed rest… although the fever came down, the cough persisited and the body was so weak , that when I walked a few steps I had to catch hold of my breath…felt like 80 years….Then another doctor told me to check for infection on lungs, thyroid and other troubles.. These were not symptoms to die for… but some fear caught me… what was the fear? Just simple uncertainty of whts wrong with me.. if there was something seriously wrong, then wld I die? If there is thyroid, then wld I become fat and nobody would love me anymore… if I were to have something big, then would I be a burden on my loved ones… A million thoughts on uncertain fear for something small of this grade…my readers might think i must be crazy to think so. But being sick with weird symptoms for 4 weeks and noone telling you whats wrong is not easy to digest too...Thankfuly the blood tests all came good and I was advised to improve my immunity….And all fears vanished into thin air…
People fear the unknown because it is beyond our ability to control and often presents us with truths that would compel us to change. I think its because it is our human instincts to want to have power and control, especially over our lives. When we don't know what is going to happen, we naturally get scared because that puts us in a vulnerable position
The secret is to trust that whatever an outcome is going to be, it will be a positive experience, either immediately or through hindsight. Not an easy task, because you are asking them to think and feel and change and grow.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself--nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. And even for the unknown death, why die many times before death actually reckons by fearing when it would come to us than live life and make it worth living. Each time we face our fear, we gain strength , courage and confidence in the doing. Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood .